K for Kindness. The A to Z of Conscious Living
Kindness
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible” The Dalai Lama
When living half asleep, from the pre-programmed patterns of our sub-conscious, it is all too easy to slip into the culture all too prevalent in our society which is to put others down in order that we may feel better about ourselves. There is so much of it around and it leads to the thinking that we have to win all the time, beat others in competition, gossip about others, be right and have the last say in order to feel good, or even just ok about ourselves.
While that may make us feel good at the time it certainly doesn’t make us feel proud. Kindness however does make us feel good and proud. The bizarre thing is that it is also much easier to do than pushing and struggling all the time to be right or first.
The key to be able to be truly kind to others, to lift others up and make them feel good about themselves is so much easier when you feel lifted too and when you don’t feel the need to compare yourself with others.
We seem to always be comparing. Whether it’s about the material things people have, the relationships, the health (or illness), the lifestyle (or challenges) and even how people portray themselves on social media, the first instinctive reaction seems to be about how that makes us feel in comparison. The only reason we do this comparing is because we are not yet fully ok with who we are. We feel we need to be ‘better’ in terms of all kinds of things, and often that comes down to what I call the ‘success contract’ we’ve made with ourselves.
What I mean is that we have sub-consciously set up some rules that say what ‘success’ means for us, and success in this context can also be fulfilment or self love, but it’s the thing you call whatever you are striving for to be fully, absolutely, unconditionally happy and in love with you. When you reach that point there really is no need or desire to do this comparing thing with absolutely everyone and about everything.
What has to happen for you to be fully ok (if ‘in love’ is a bit too far to stretch your mind right now) with vourself? What is it that when it happens or when you have it, you know you are ‘there’?
‘There’. Where’s there? Why do we say ‘ I’ll get there one day’? Do you know where there is?
Living consciously takes you out of this internal battleground with your mind. It allows you to be ok with who you are right now, and that includes all the bits you ‘think’ you don’t like about yourself. It gives you the permission to be really kind to yourself and treat yourself in the way you would treat a loved one. In Y for Yourself First, I will talk about this some more.
Think about all the internal dialogue you say to yourself during the day. Become aware over the next few days about what you are saying to yourself and see if that would be the sort of things you would say to others you love. I found that exercise quite alarming when I did it myself.
Be kind to yourself whenever possible. It is always possible.
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Until next time,
Alfie X
